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Sep 13

How to Love a Woman with a Broken Heart

I thought I would never find love again.  Not after going through the worst heartbreak of all, being betrayed by my husband.  As a young married newly graduate student I thought I had the world in front of me:  career, marriage, a new house, everything a young woman could want.  Five years later it all came crashing down and I was left to pick up the pieces.  Although the break-up of my marriage was not my fault, I was left with many negative feeling towards the “male species,” because that is whom I was hurt by.  Intellectually I knew the saying, “all men are scum,” was not true but that was how I felt at that time.

Four years later and after much healing I married the right guy, my husband Tim.  Many guys would have run for the hills knowing the baggage I was bringing into the relationship but not Tim.  He persevered and endured my questions and insecurities.  He knew I was worth the wait and worth fighting for. 

If you know of such a woman whose beauty, character and morals you admire but are hesitant to approach her because she was hurt before and is very negative about men consider the following.  You might be just what she needs to heal her broken heart.

1.  Show courage and don’t be afraid to approach her.  You see her across the room and are enthralled but after asking your buddy what her status is you learn she just came out of a bad relationship and is currently on the warpath against men.  What do you do?  Don’t walk away.  Let her know that you fine her intriguing and would love to get to know her.  Give her your number and let her take the initiative.  Even if she doesn’t call still be friendly and engaging whenever you see her.

2.  See her for who she truly is not what she’s been through.  She may rebuff you with negative comments or a bad attitude but don’t’ take it personally.  Ask her friends about her best qualities and complement her on those when you see them exhibited.

3.  Be ready to pay for her past.  If she does give you a chance be ready for a litany of questions that may include questions about your mental health, finances, goals, family history, and any addictions. Don’t let the questions put you off.  I asked these and more of my husband as I did not want to be with someone who exhibited the negative characteristics and tendencies of my ex.  Yes, you may feel like you are having to pay for the sins of the “ex,”  as she may have trust issues but keep her heart in mind when it feels like it is becoming too much.  Be an open book.  Trust takes time to build even if you are a great guy.

4.  Don’t give up on her.  If it feels like it is becoming too intense don’t throw in the towel.  That is just what she is expecting, for someone to give up on her.  Let her know there is nothing to fear and all she needs is to come to you and let you know when she is feeling anxious or suspicious instead of “having an attitude.”

5.  Help her see her self-worth.  Letting your woman know how beautiful she is both inside and out is very important as she questions things about herself every day.  She may have even blamed herself for her “ex” leaving thinking she was not good or pretty enough.  I did when I went through my heartbreak.  Positive words go a long way and repeated often enough and complemented by actions will eventually lead to her believing in herself again.

There is no guarantee when it comes to love.  Even after all your patience and perseverance she may just not be ready for a relationship.  You might be ready to love her but she might not be ready to love you or any man right now.  What she will need the most is time.  If you did have a chance to show her your strength and worth but was rejected just know that someday your efforts will be rewarded with the right mate at the right time.  Keep growing in your life goals and character that any woman would be proud to be joined to.

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